Danger Puppy’s Words of Wisdom

While we’re waiting for Chaos Boy to man up and tell his story, I thought I’d pass on some sage advice to make your next vacation, business trip, or wait at the DMV that much more fun.

When someone you’re fairly certain you’ll never see again asks what you do for a living, LIE. Stay with me here. I know it sounds lame, but that’s because you lack imagination. Don’t worry. I’m here to help. I’m about to inspire the pants off of you.

Chaos Boy and I took a short cruise this summer (it was sort of an appetizer to the longer cruise we took Winky on a few weeks later). We had decided to play a little game. (For those of you familiar with my games, this predates “Fuck the Next Guy,” which is an elevator game and surprisingly has nothing to do with sex.) We agreed that if anyone asked us what we do for a living we would lie. But the lie couldn’t be something boring. Well, out of all the people we met over the course of the long weekend, only one person asked me. And my answer was (without cracking a smile): I lead ghost tours in Old Town San Diego. You would have thought I told her I was Ed McMahon there to give her a freaking check! Clearly, she was a true believer (in both ghosts and my lie). Of course, Chaos Boy couldn’t contain himself (typical) and started giggling. Ever the actor, I covered by saying he doesn’t believe in ghosts and threw in that he has no soul. Of course, that made him laugh harder. (Seriously, Chaos Boy! Get your shit together before we play this game again!) Naturally the woman was so charmed by me that she never asked my soulless companion what he does for a living. He was sad that he never got to try on his new profession as the owner of a crime scene cleanup service. Serves him right for laughing!

So there’s your charge, friends. Lie and lie mightily. Keep is interesting. And report back here. I want details, people. Details!

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