Danger Puppy’s best friend, Kat, can’t keep a secret to save her life, a fact Chaos Boy LOVES to point out. Last year, Kat swore Chaos Boy to secrecy about a visit she was planning only to later tell Danger Puppy all about it anyway. But she tries. And she knows her limitations. Unlike some people.
Today Danger Puppy received an unexpected email from Dooney & Bourke (did I just hear angels singing?) containing an order confirmation. Now, Danger Puppy doesn’t take Ambien (although she did pop a flexeril at bedtime last night), so she probably wasn’t sleep-shopping (It’s a thing, y’all. Google that shit!). But she was on dooney.com (cue angels) earlier today looking at their new line of Pearly Python bags (and drooling – don’t judge). So when the aforementioned email arrived DP’s warm little puppy heart nearly stopped. Let’s go now to a recording taken from Danger Puppy’s brain at the moment of email impact:
WTF? I just got an email from Dooney like an hour ago. Oh wait. That says “Your dooney.com Order Confirmation.” Oh shit! OMFG! What did I do? Please tell me I did not accidentally buy a $468 bag. <clicks to open> “Thank you for shopping with Dooney & Bourke.” Oh shit. I did. <scrolls down, sees husband’s name, is still afraid because she always uses his information for online shopping, sees shipping address is Chaos Boy’s lair/office, nearly pees pants laughing>
That’s right, folks. Someone bought a bag (NOT the $468 one – whew!). I won’t say who, but his initials are “C.B.” and had it shipped to himself because someone thinks he’s ‘neaky. That someone would be wrong. He is hilariously NOT ‘neaky (except for that secret trip to Hawaii last year – mad props for that one!). He is without question the unstealthiest ninja. What’s even better is that he’s done the exact same thing before.
Let this story be a lesson to you all. No matter how together someone seems on the outside, you can bet he has a flaw. Sorry ladies. Danger Puppy already snagged the one guy whose flaw is buying her stuff.