Bleak Friday

Check out this “news” story:

Bleak Friday

There are a lot of things about being from this country that embarrass me. But people fighting over luxuries disguised as bargains is near the top of the list. Wouldn’t it be amazing if these people were fighting to give just some of their extra money so that others can have a proper meal? Or a home? Imagine having so many people wanting to give that there wasn’t room for all of them. People so willing to help that they would go out in the middle of the night to do it.

I wonder whether that would even make the news.

Happy Thanksgiving!

While most of America is in a turkoma we are comfortably full on steak and shrimp. In our own home. Because we didn’t travel. And we won’t be shopping for Black Friday (EVER!). And we went to see a movie today. And guess what? We’re super thankful. Just like every other day of the year.

Le Pew

Winky’s out of school this week for Thanksgiving break. Being the good House Elf that she is, she took the time today to work on a research project that’s due before Christmas. She needed to interview a photographer. We just happen to be friends with an amazing local photographer. (Seriously, check out http://www.iwannashootyourface.com people.) He spent a lot of time teaching her about equipment and techniques. I may have taught him a little something, too.

We had just finished lunch. I pulled out a pack of gum, got a piece, and offered some to Winky & Bill. Neither was interested. As I was putting the gum away Bill said, “Oh. Do I need gum?” 

Here’s where I dropped some knowledge.

I said, “No. If you needed some I would have said, ‘Here Bill, have some gum.’ If you refused it I’d have said, ‘I’m bored. Let’s go brush your teeth.'”

That’s right. Bill may have taught us how to handle a flash diffuser, but I taught Bill how to handle a friend with stank mouth.

Psychic Much?

If you’ve read this blog for long you know that Chaos Boy thinks I’m a witch. (I’d be more willing to say I’m psychic in some way as the only thing I’m willing to worship is a Florentine Dooney & Bourke handbag.) Loyal readers will also know that I do my best thinking in the shower. Apparently I do some of my best witching (psyching?) then as well.

Yesterday I was lathering up my hair when I thought about how open enrollment for benefits must be coming to an end and that I needed to ask Chaos Boy whether he’d make the elections we discussed a few weeks ago. As soon as I came downstairs he brought the subject up with me. Freaky deaky!

This morning when I was getting in the shower I noticed there was no soap. (That’s what’s known as “assholing a puppy.”) When I got out of the shower I had a text from Chaos Boy apologizing because he’d realized he left a puppy soapless.

I think there’s a tv show there somewhere: a detective with psychic powers triggered by showers. Naturally she’d have a shower in her office. Let’s be honest: it’d be on the CW.

Thinkin’ Some Thinks

Chaos Boy says I have a bladder the size of a hamster’s. I disagree. My bladder size isn’t the problem: it’s the 9.5 lb baby I had nearly 16 years ago. Wherever the problems comes from, it definitely is a problem. (Shut up, Chris!)

I just came back from my millionth trip to the bathroom today. A funny place, the bathroom. I don’t know about you, but I do some of my best thinking in the shower. (Also, my shower singing is…well…unforgettable?) Given the mental acuity that comes from proximity to plumbing, it’s really not surprising that I thought of something hilarious just now when I was in there.

Remember when you were little and you needed a little help tidying up after you did you business? If you have children you’ve likely been lured by the dulcet tones of a child: “MOM! I’M DONE!” Or maybe it was more like this: “DAD, COME WIPE MY BUTT!” When my brother was little, he did neither. Instead, he would make motorcycle noises. He’d start out quietly, but the longer he waited for help the louder the dirtbike would get. Our parents always laughed at him, but at least he got service with a smile. Ah, boys. 🙂

Double Date-tastic

There was no time for blogging on 11/22. We were far to busy getting our Catching Fire fix with our good friends. There is honestly nothing quite like seeing a movie you’ve been waiting on for years with awesome people while snuggled up in reclining leather loveseats with your honey. And there’s table service! That’s right: waiters bring you your popcorn…or burgers…or potstickers…or BEER. Yep. You can see a movie in a 21+ theater where there is full bar service.

See? Way to busy.