What The F#*k Are You Doing? (Redux)

<As it’s only 4:10 PM in the western US where we live, this still counts toward our NaBloPoMo. It’s still 11/11/13, people!>

CB Here. Okay, so DP told you all about the value a trip to Hawaii adds to the communication between couples.

Here’s what she DIDN’T tell you.

One night we were relaxing with some TV. It was time for bed, so we started turning off lights and such. I could feel a fart coming on. Gentleman that I am, I decided I should give Danger Puppy fair warning. I am a Gentleman and did not want to offend her tender sensibilities. What? She’s a delicate flower, people! She needs protecting!

Anyway, I didn’t want to offend cute little DP. So I announced “Cover your ears Puppy!”

Action Item Complete.

Oh she covered her ears, alright. And she ran. The rest happened in slo-mo.


DP ran. Right. Through. The. Noxious.Cloud. 

I tried to save her, but couldn’t get between her and the green floating bullet.

I didn’t want her to be embarrassed by the sound. OK, I didn’t want her to embarrass me because of it. Potato. F#@k you.

You may say that I should have told her to cover her nose. I get what you’re saying, but hear me out.

By saving her from hearing that trumpet blast, I prevented serious mental trauma. She may have smelled the green fog, but she has been spared countless reenactments of that  ringing in her ears. Haunting her dreams. Nay, full-on nightmares. What was that? An Earthquake? Elephant stampede? Did Rabbi Rabinowitz blow the shofar to ring in Rosh Hashanah? 

I’m a goddam hero, people. But SHE gets to wear the cape


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